They’re Rewriting History – Again

And There It Is Again. More History Rewrites. How Sickening.

Yet again, up comes some academic with general all-speak easy roll-off-the-tongue long-spout simple flavour spouty anodyne vanilla tasting telly talky have-a-ciggy talk talk pass-the-coffee-pot chattery crap about how Shakespeare was oh so Mr Central to mid-Victorian compulsory state education in the British Isles largely because the oiks who were suddenly afforded the opportunity were not good enough to do Greek and Latin.

Where do they get these people from? Where do they get their so-called facts from?

Now look here Matey, dear Proseffor FashionSpecs or whoever you are; Get This:

Shakespeare was NOT on offer to these people. Not much else was either. Read the books by Robert Roberts. Get your facts right.

And while we’re on about it, those of us who did attend the so-called state grammar schools in the old days didn’t get much of Shakespeare either – oo! I hope it doesn’t show in my writing (just coming over all self-conscious there for a moment).

I dare say that the truth of the matter is that hardly anybody ever wants to admit that they went to a terrible school – oops Grammar School – where the high point of the “culture” was watching the cabbage fall from the ceiling on the teacher’s head in the afternoon lessons that took place in the dining halls which doubled as classrooms…

…where only one teacher on the staff had a gown – and that, dear reader from a dubious university in the midst of a Europe at war, probably bombed to blazes by one or other side (the relevant piece of paper having suddenly and by chance floated into the hand of the passing young person on the run both as the pursuer and the pursued)…

…a school where unspeakable ignorance was celebrated as “humour”…where the highest level of attainment for some staff had been an attendance prize (Mrs Beeton, 165th edition) at Badger’s Arse Terrace Elementary or the Izal Whitepaper award for turning up most days and finding goldfish at Rough Bastard Lane secondary…

School for many thousands in “Those Days” was a grim and tedious daily grind, punctuated by brutal children and worse than brutal teachers (no doubt many of them shell shocked) in a brutal regime with hardly a kindness ever bestowed upon any child; with cruelty meted out authoritatively by staff and taken up then by children against other children; verbal insult taking the place of conversation, and all of this supposed to make you “grow up”.

There was NO Shakespeare or Poetry at my school other than what was set by an examination board. In other words, you got it for a test, not to love it or learn about it but to try and make sense of it for a one-time go at getting a (badly useless and poorly administered and often, for many, unattainable) qualification. This is how it was for nearly all children. And we hated it. almost to a…

There’s just not enough snot, swearing, farting, belching, gross unkindness, stench, sweat, real laughter, practical jokes, spitting, name calling or street talk in Shakespeare to have EVER been relevant to the pupils at any of my schools, let alone the teachers.

Now, the Racing Times, the Beer Brewers’ Weekly and the Football Pink, I reckon subscriptions to those would have been prerequisites to work there…as well as knowing the best type of Dubbin to buy, how to Dimp a Ciggy, how to eat three sausages with your mouth open and talk at the same time and 101 uses for a gym shoe sole, and how to laugh at people and get away with it…

Stop Making Up History.

To those people who record these telly retrospectives: Please Stop these privileged and self-satisfied academics making sweeping statements about “what everybody got at school” and do some proper research for these – at present – insulting and piss-poorly researched programmes…

To Everybody: Stop Listening to and Believing Made-Up History. Just because it’s on the telly does not make it accurate, correct or right. Just because the “Experts” are not local does not make them right either. Is all History really Fictive? If so, why so?

“History is created by man in his own wishes and lightness”. (Discuss).

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